Mashimaro's Corner♥

< 問題 > “ 你為什麼要去加拿大 ?” “ 你在加拿大過的好嗎 ?” “ 你為什麼要回來台灣 ?” 這些問題在這十年來應該是我被問過最多次，也是身邊人對我感到疑惑和好奇的問題。雖然這些問題讓我重複回答不下數百次，但卻始終都是我的罩門。老實說，我不知道怎麼回答，去加拿大就是給出我媽對我說的那套說詞，回來台灣就是說因為我想，在加拿大過得怎樣就永遠都是恩還好阿，打哈哈的應付過去。我承認我每答一次就想賞我自己一臉巴掌，那些答案連我自己都說服不了。真的會因為只有升學壓力就想移民加拿大 ?  說就是想回台灣那為什麼不想留在加拿大 ?  加拿大有那裡比不上台灣嗎 ?  我承認我是個需要很長時間思考的人，所以這個問題我想了十年，我也不太擅長表達，所以一直覺得我沒辦法跟人說清楚。每問一次，我就自省一次。這十年來我一直在跟自己對話，也在跟上帝對話，我一直想了解為何上帝要讓我經歷這一切，而這半年來我才好像開始慢慢了解。 < 壓力與矛盾 > 還記得小學五年級讓我壓力大的一件事就是被選上要代表學校出去參加作文比賽的其中一員，為了選出一名而讓我們每天午休都要去接受老師的密集訓練。那時被要求每天看國語日報，大量寫文章。到了學期末，老師讓我們放學留下模擬了作文比賽情境並用那次的作文評分選出代表，結果我意外的被選為代表。看到這邊通常一般人的反應應該是對自己的表現感到開心，能從老師那邊獲得肯定而感到驕傲，也對自己能代表學校出去比賽而感到光榮。但就像一開始說的，這一切對我來說都是壓力。老實說我從小就痛恨寫作，每次聽到要寫作時就備感壓力，尤其是當需要在課堂上寫完有時間壓力的那種，因為我總是沒辦法在時間內完成，光是下筆就有困難，想架構跟總結更是要我的命，每次都寫到大家都交卷了我還在寫中間段落，所以每次都急得像熱鍋上的螞蟻，為了在時間內交差，結尾總是草草結束、虎頭蛇尾。但為什麼這樣的我寫出來的作文還會被老師一再的青睞而選我出去比賽，我真的百思不解。但你會想既然都寫過那麼多次，也被老師肯定那麼多次，應該可以克服心理障礙吧。不，恐懼和焦慮一直伴隨著寫作這兩個字，總是深怕寫不好，沒有組織，用詞不佳，離題，最擔心的還是寫不完。我還記得這是我第一次心理跟外界期待起了矛盾。殊不知這件事竟然成了我決定去加拿大的理由其中之一。 ...

出自大一國文作文 下過春雨的寧靜午後，我獨自漫步在椰林大道上，享受著課後的從容與悠閒。踩著濕漉的柏油，空氣中潮濕的氣味還未散去，但陽光隱約的透出層層灰雲，為暗淡的天空增亮許多。涼冷的微風拂袖過衣襟，也颼颼的吹動兩旁叢木，椰子葉也任憑風吹，在地上呈現各種陰影形狀，似乎對應著在這乍暖還寒的三月中那陰晴不定的百變天氣。向著總圖的人行道旁，點綴著綠叢的杜鵑花似乎又在春的巧手下開得更多了，白的桃紅的粉嫩的，一株株沾著斗大的水珠，下雨過後更顯的沁白幽美。遠處傳來下課鐘聲，傅鐘也隨即敲響它那著名的二十一響「噹噹噹 … 」，眼見學生匆匆騎著單車在大道上穿梭，趕忙於下個上課地點 …

In our life, there must be moments when you just want to share your feelings with someone and so you talk to your best friend but they don't seem to understand you and so you post your thoughts on fb, but no one in your circle of friends seems to care at all and so you show your depressed mood really obviously, but no one seems to notice All your feelings and thoughts that you pour out become worthless with every reply: "lol" "haha" "oh" "right" "yea" At the end you stop sharing because it seems meaningless you would rather keep everything to yourself, hide it from others at least that would make you seem normal on the outside

There's a kind of people who seems cold and hard to talk to at first sight When they introduce themselves, it is always short and simple If you talk to them, they will talk to you  but you just feel like there's a distance between you two  and you start to get a feeling that they don't really want to be friend with you  Sometimes you feel like they care about you but sometimes you feel like you don't matter to them At first you might think that, "Okay maybe they don't like me" and just shrug it off 

You shouldn't be tip-toeing when you are with someone even though they may like you, accept you or love you because of this No matter how much you want to hold onto this relationship , this kind of relationship will only result in you feeling very tired to the point that your feet will eventually give out  because the pain is indescribable When you put on a mask, pretend to be someone you're not in order to be with someone The only possible result is you feeling exhausted at the end. Very exhausted. Even though you are among a crowd of friends, but you still feel you are by yourself Even though your friends are right there besides you, but you couldn't share anything on your mind

That moment when you forget your earphone’s not plug into the computer and plays the music out loud in the library and everyone turns to look at you… That moment when you forget to turn your phone to silence and it suddenly rings in the middle of the class and you frantically search your bag to try to turn it off… That moment when your brain blanks out during a presentation and forgets what to say next… That moment when the teacher calls on you to answer a question but you have nothing to say so that you could only stutter out nonsense… We all have countless embarrassing moments in our life At that moment, we just want to dig a hole to hide, wanting to kill ourselves, thinking that others must be judging you hard and are laughing inside.

Promenade After a blissful spring shower The cloud-filled sky clears room for a date with the moon Along the path, stand tall the glowing street lamps Flooding the cement with a pool of yellow warm light Dyeing the foliage with a range of colors bright Light steps I dance across the mirrored path Splished and splashed I follow the sound of soft string plucking from afar and wander into that  deep veiled night